Dinosaur porn rules?

How much energy does it take to create a poem in a day? The answer, as far as I'm concerned, is a lot.

My current online poetry course with The Poetry School is certainly taking it's toll. We have one week to write a poem, which in reality means come up with an idea, do the research, write the poem while living your normal working week and looking after a Guide Dog puppy (let alone 2... more on this in a moment). I struggle.

This week's assignment was to do with disasters and I knew immediately I wanted to write about a volcanic eruption... but there have been so many, so which one? I decided on Tambora's eruption in 1815. I think it was the magnitude that entranced me, as well as the fact that it had such an impact on the whole world. But I'm not known for writing long poems so what to focus on? It took a week of thinking/not sleeping/biting my nails before I made my choice and it just happened to come on the last day possible while I had to dog sit for Quaver (who's now a 10 month old lab/retriever cross) as Mountain Man was off on daughter duties in Glasgow.

Have you ever tried writing a serious poem while 2 dogs create havoc around you? No? Well I don't advise it!

Quaver when she was teeny tiny with our lovely Odi

Lazy Boy and Quaver in a quiet moment

What you might not realise from this photo is that Vespa is actually almost the same size as Quaver, but he's got that teenage slouch to perfection. He's also much wider than she, which also doesn't show from this photo. The other thing that doesn't show is the manic behaviour that made up most of my day, only interrupted by a Skype meeting I had to attend in the afternoon and they were forced to lie down and be quiet.

Anyway, I managed to write my poem, which was a sonnet to fit the age in which the disaster happened. The poem was also pretty crap btw, just in case you're wondering, but hey, can't do everything can I. My friend, Denise was amazing and summed it up by saying, 'it's very dark satanic mills' which is just what I was going for, so at least I achieved something.

After uploading I was supposed to go onto my other online poetry group for an online workshop, but as there were only 2 of us we just chatted instead, but I have to say it was the most fun I've had in a long time and ended up with tears streaming down my face as I couldn't stop laughing. Have you ever read any dinosaur erotica? No? I'm shocked!

Actually I'm shocked by the writing let alone the subject. If you want to read some of the worst written stuff around (yes even worse than 50 Shades of Grey) then don't hesitate to read this excerpt. I'm afraid that even at 99p it was far too much to pay for something so dreadful and I really didn't want to know what happened next. However, it made for the most hilarious evening and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.